hi.

so.

i saw that rachel updated her journal. that's right; you can't hide from me! i am a pro creeper thanks to fb. haha. but i feel like she dislikes me for no reason now, and i'm worried about her. surbhi told me they still talk, which is good. i don't know why she wouldn't want to talk boys with me, though, seeing as i am the one who's had a boyfriend for 10 months. i just can't figure out why i keep defending you when you act like i don't exist.

this site came up in my art history discussion class today and i was like "whoa! that still exists??" so i came here to check. remember when i had that creepsville stalker hacker guy? that was scary. and my computer did survive, thank you very much.

but now i have my own laptop, i'm in college, and i don't have my dad around to save me from my tendency to kill technology. please note that my computer already has a dent and several scratches. i should get a case. or not. i hear it's like $40, and i am not spending that.

college is nice. i wish i had friends though. my hall is really awesome and we all hang out in the lounge, but i've never actually hung out with anyone. nina is cool though. we get along. but she has deborah, her roommate, and they are almost inseparable. i cant wait until lyndsay gets back. my room won't be as lonely. and i will be motivated to clean, which i desperately need to do.

it's really weird being all by myself. i still talk to high school people all the time, and it's like they're here with me sometimes, but they aren't. everyone seems to be under the impression that i'm boring. am i boring? i think i'm just depressed. not like clinically, i mean, that's just the best word to describe how i feel.

i think it's because i miss adam. i don't know what we are anymore, and i'm just confused, and apparently he's talking to his ex again, and i thought we broke up but he hasn't changed his facebook status, and every time we talk i feel like he still loves me too, but we're 6 hours apart, and my life is just a big mess. i really do love him, but i never really told him that. kids, learn from me, and don't do that. it hasn't gotten any better. i can't believe i wont see him for another two months. it's absolute agony. i can't even go out because all the girls get dressed up like skanks to impress the boys, but i see no point in it because i don't want a different guy right now. and then i get all sad and mopey when everyone leaves. i only talk to adam once a week. every time it's awkward. it's always awkward between us, though, what else did you expect? haha. i still haven't asked him about his facebook status. i am a coward. i really am. i should stop this, but i can't. i think i'm just afraid that he like forgot to change it or something. that would kill me. whenever anyone here asks me if i have a boyfriend, i say yes because of that relationship status. and because i want it to be true. i already went through the heartbreak of a break up, but then he didn't change his relationship status and now that i've gotten comfortable saying that i have a boyfriend again, i'm afraid that i'll have to go through it a second time. it was probably the worst i've ever felt in my life, and i don't want to do that again right now.

maybe i am depressed.

also, i'm pretty sure i'm failing 3d. ugh. that class is the bad news bear of my week every week.

so yeah, that's my life.